Partner Hub

Whilst we develop a plan for both partners in the Blueheart app, we created this section to help address some of the questions and feelings you may be experiencing.

Introductory Playlist

A playlist just for you to understand what your partner is listening to.

Knowledge Hub

Knowledge Hub

Understanding Desire

What is low sexual desire?

Sometimes, two people’s levels of desire don’t match up, and that’s nobody’s fault. Maybe one of you wants more sex than the other. This doesn’t necessarily mean the other has a ‘low libido’, or that you have an especially high one. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect level of libido’, it’s only a problem if one person’s desire for sex doesn’t match up with the amount of desire they wish to have. It can make them feel down, low in confidence, embarrassed and upset, and as the partner you can end up feeling those same feelings too. That’s when it starts to affect your relationship, and this is where we hope we can help.

What does it feel like for my partner?

You may have been spending a lot of time wondering this, second guessing and getting stressed about the answers your mind decided were true. It’s very likely they’re feeling pretty down. Low sexual desire can be lonely, frustrating, embarrassing, anxiety inducing, isolating, upsetting and really hit your confidence levels. The only person who can tell you how your partner feels, is your partner. Blueheart helps you both improved your communication skills to make sure you are speaking the same language.

Is there something wrong with my partner? Or me?

No! Millions of couples are just like you, going through the same thing. It’s totally normal, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. Working together through your Blueheart Plan can help you both understand the issue, what’s behind it, how it works, and what you can do to overcome it to become the awesome, strong partnership you want to be.

What causes low sexual desire?

There are a number of things, it can be the result of a big change in the person’s life, whether that be childbirth, surgery, grief, or menopause. It can be lifestyle - what we eat, how well we sleep, or exercise. It can be based on the way we were raised, life events that affected us deep down, or past trauma. It’s always best to double check with a GP to rule out biological reasons, before using Blueheart. If you partner has experienced trauma they should visit any of these resources before starting a Blueheart Plan.

Blueheart Plan

How can Blueheart help?

Blueheart will provide you with an expert-designed plan to help you both overcome your sexual issue together. Through a series of audio, written and practical sessions your partner will learn science-backed techniques to focus on their goals from boosting confidence, increasing sexual pleasure, body image and strengthening your relationship. You’ll gradually work up to more and more intimate experiences together as you and your partner learn and grow in your plan. One of the main techniques you’ll learn is Sensate Focus which you can read all about here.

When do I get involved?

Your partner will be working on themselves for as long as they need for the Self Development stage, when they are ready for the Relationship Development stage, that’s when you come in. You can support them in the meantime, remember you’re in it together.

Will I have to do things I’m not comfortable with?

Not at all. We always go at the pace of the slowest person, so whoever that is, they will be looked after.

How can I introduce the subject to my partner without starting an argument?

You may be here because your partner send you to this page. If so, great! They’re already on board. If not, well done for finding us! You’ll learn a lot about communication in Blueheart and this is your very first task. There’s probably no ‘perfect’ time to do this, so don’t wait for that as it’ll never come, but better to do it when you are both not busy, and both in a positive frame of mind. A good thing to do is sit down together and have an open and honest chat. Let them explore the app themselves and see if they’d like to give it a try. Let them know you’ll support them all the way through so you have their back, you’re going to do this as a team.

Can I try the app out first?

Sure! Some partners like to check it out before they show their partner. Download it here and take a look. Or you can listen to a couple of recommended sessions here:

Your Role

How else can I support my partner?

The best way you can support your partner is to be there for them. Be present and engaged when they are brave enough to bring up the subject with you. Remember, it might be a really tough thing to talk about for both of you. Currently, the plan is designed for your partner to work on themselves a lot without you there. Give them the space to do this, help them find the time and privacy to be able to complete their sessions at the same time each week. Helping them show up to the session will keep them motivated and on track.

Is it going to change our relationship?

This is going to be a slow and steady gradual process, no sudden changes or bombshells. Change can sound scary, but remember if one or both of you is unhappy, something’s got to change. Remember you’re still the same people, and all the things you like about each other won’t magically go away. This is one part of your lives, that hopefully will have a positive knock on effect to the rest of it.

Is it true there’s no sex allowed during Blueheart?

It might sound strange, as you’re both here to be able to enjoy sex more. ‘So how is no sex going to help?’ I hear you ask. Well, at the moment your partner is probably feeling super anxious around sex. What you both need to do is almost reset sex for yourselves. Turn it off and on again. By giving your partner this space to slowly build back up to sex again, you’re doing an amazing thing for both of you and letting them have the time to heal. It can be tempting to break the ‘no sex’ rule, if you feel like you’re finding it difficult, take a breather, and think about the bigger picture. Also, if you feel inclined, there’s nothing wrong with a little masturbation.

I’m here and I don’t know why.

If your partner sent you here, it may be to help you understand the issue they’ve been dealing with, what they might be feeling, and to share with you an idea of what they’ll be doing when they’re locked in the bedroom having their ‘Blueheart time’. You may not understand it all right away, it’s a complex issue, but you’ll learn a lot about yourself, your relationship and your partner as you go along. If you yourself are experiencing low sexual desire, and are just having a look at what we tell your partner, don’t worry it’s nothing we don’t tell you. There are no secrets here. You might be here because you’re curious and have been wondering whether this is right for you, take some time to explore our website and the app if you’d like to get a fuller picture. If you were Googling rollerblading cats and you stumbled here by mistake, please carry on your quest and enjoy your travels across the Internet

Quick answers to the important questions you might have.