No-one likes having difficult conversations. We’re well-trained in avoiding them as much as we can, because we don’t have the heart to tell our friends that we’d rather eat a live slug than go to their poetry recital, or that you actually didn’t have a family emergency last time you cancelled, you just wanted to sit in your dressing gown and eat peanut butter out of the jar. One day there’ll be a world in which we can be really honest with each other, but most of the time, we end up doing things we don’t like or don’t want to do, just to avoid the awkwardness of expressing how we really feel. And that’s no good.
When it comes to therapy, and particularly sex therapy, all of this gets heightened, because we don’t want to hurt our partner’s feelings, or start an argument, and we very often don’t quite have the words to talk about what we need - which is part of the reason we come to therapy in the first place!
So if you and your partner are a bit stuck when it comes to talking about sex, this session will give you some tips on how to bring up the idea of Blueheart if you’re worried that your partner might get upset or put up barriers around this conversation. If this does happen, it’s worth remembering that very often the reason for the defensiveness is just that they feel bad about the issue, and they don’t know what to do about it - and has nothing to do with how they feel about you. Having issues with different levels of desire is no-one's fault - it’s a relationship issue, and you both need to be on board in order to make a change.
Even though there might be a temptation from one or both of you to avoid this conversation, here’s a statistic that might help you take the plunge. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, 91% of couples who can’t comfortably talk about sex together say that they’re not satisfied sexually. In other words, being able to talk comfortably about sex is better for your sex life.
But you don’t have to be good at this right away - it’s a skill that takes time to develop, and it’s hard! But we’re here with the tools to help you do that. So here are some tips on how to introduce Blueheart to your partner:
You only need one subscription between you, and then, once you’ve linked your accounts, you’ll be able to work on your plan together, and keep track of your progress with data-driven insights. All of our sessions are carefully structured to start with short, low-pressure activities in each exercise or topic, so you can go at your own pace, and explore from a place of relaxation and comfort - the cornerstones of a happy, healthy sex life, that works for you both.
And that’s it! The rest is up to you. We know starting therapy together is a big step - but it’s a really positive one, that proves how committed you are to each other and to deepening the intimacy between you, so you can get your life together back on track.
If you want more lessons on how to deal with the difficult stuff, check out how with the Blueheart app here.