Low Libido Causes: A Complete Guide

Photo of Dr Katherine Hertlein
Reviewed by Dr Katherine Hertlein, written by Sophie Browness
– published on August 19, 2021

Libido is defined as our overall drive and desire for sexual activity. It’s the feeling of wanting to have sex. But it doesn’t work in the way many think. It’s not like our heart or our liver where it actually lives in our body working away constantly.

Illustration by Marta Pucci

It’s something that can come and go, over years, months, or even minutes. It fluctuates throughout our lifetime and that’s completely normal. It's important to know how different factors in your life can impact libido, to help you understand and normalise its changing behaviour. Having a good grasp of how our libido works, and what causes changes, can help us overcome any difficulties we may be facing in that area. Learning these things can have a huge positive impact on our romantic relationships.
Whatever your situation, we're going to take a look at some of the low libido causes that exist. While there's no way to cover each potential reason, we've done our best to cover the vast majority. Hopefully, the information below can help you understand your issue and lead you toward seeking out a solution for improved libido. Let's get started.

What is low libido?

Low libido or loss of libido is a common problem among people of all genders, ages and backgrounds. It’s also known as low sexual desire or low sex drive. There is no ‘lower than average’ libido, or a ‘perfect libido’, there is only lower than it used to be, or lower than your partners which may be causing you distress or tension in your relationship.
As you'll see below, libido is a complex thing. Many factors in our lives contribute to the increase or decrease in libido. If you're experiencing some trouble with your sexual desire, don't worry.
We're complex beings, and there's a lot that goes into the way we think and feel. Sexual desire is subjected to all of the factors in your life, so remember that it's not your fault that things are going a little off.

Sex drive vs. libido

In a lot of cases, the terms sex drive and libido can be used interchangeably. If you want to be specific, though, there are a couple of differences.
Sex drive refers to a person's motivation and desire to have sex. It's a more colloquial term than libido is, and actually is a bit of an unhelpful term. It doesn’t actually work like a ‘drive’ so much.
The term ‘sex drive’ can be misleading us into thinking we have to feel this unmanagable force rocketing towards someone we find attractive at the drop of a hat. It’s ok to use whatever term you like, as long as you know the backgrounds and meanings of them.
Sexual desire is the preferred term, because it represents the ‘wanting feeling’ for intimacy and sexual activity rather than something pushing or driving us towards it. Learning about how sexual desire works is a great place to start.

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Low libido causes

We'll discuss the many reasons why you might have low libido. Many of them are psychological, while others come from physical changes that a person is going through. A relationship might also change, leading to shifts in your or your partner's libido.
The mind and the body can both be sources of trouble in issues of libido. That said, whatever the cause, there are ways to improve. First, though, you have to understand your issue so you can start to explore ways to get better.

Low libido happens to everybody

It doesn’t matter which sex or gender, age or sexuality, low libido can happen to us all. Below will detail the differences in libido in terms of sex. While acknowledging you may identify as another gender, there are some elements that differ. Overall, though, it is very much the same process for everybody.

Illustration by Marta Pucci

Low libido in women

Women can experience low libido as a result of a lot of factors in their lives. Issues involving vaginal pain such as endometriosis or vaginismus, or bodily pain in other areas can decrease the individual's desire to have sex in the first place.
Further, any number of medical issues might supersede the person's desire to have sex. Medications, unhealthy lifestyle habits, stress from work, stress from life, and confidence can all play a part as well.
Mental health problems or previous, unresolved sexual trauma might also prevent someone from wanting or enjoying sex. There are also some milestones like menopause that could put a damper on someone's desire to have sex for a period of time.
That isn't always the case, though, and menopause is not the end of your days of sexual pleasure, far from it in-fact many women have reported an improvement afterwards. 

Low libido in men

Men and women share a lot of the same reasons for having low libido. Low confidence, medical issues, trauma, pain, lifestyle habits, personal biology, and more can all play their parts.
It's important to note that each individual has their own relationship to sex and libido. While there are a few mechanical parts that a lot of us share, the rest of the equation really depends on how we feel, what we think, how we treat our bodies, and where we're at in our lives. We'll take a deeper look at these potential issues throughout the rest of the article.

Low libido symptoms

The symptoms of low libido will vary depending on who you are and how you respond to situations where you might otherwise want to have sex

That said, the dominant thread throughout cases of low libido is simply the lack of a desire to have sex or be sexual.

So many emotions are tied up with low libido: feelings of shame, anxiety around sex, frustration, guilt or just numb. We feel as though we're supposed to be sexually active, and the lack of desire makes us feel as though something's wrong with us, like we’re broken. 

This isn't true. Libido waxes and wanes throughout the life cycle, and there's nothing uncommon about losing it for a period of time. It's something that can be embarrassing to talk about at first, but it's natural and doesn't say anything about you or your feelings for your partner. 

If you agree with some of these statements it’s likely you have low libido:

  • I don’t like to be touched
  • I don’t enjoy touching myself
  • I never feel like having sex
  • When my partner/s initiate sex I feel nothing or anxious

It’s totally fine not to be sexual if you don’t want to, and you should never ever feel pressured into doing anything you don’t feel like doing.

Low libido treatment

It's possible to get treatment for low libido. Diagnosing the issue is the first step. Your treatment will vary depending on why it is that you're having low libido in the first place.
The first step is to go to your doctor or GP to rule out any physiological reasons for your low desire. After that has been ruled out, you will then be able to explore therapy. Many people believe that therapy cannot help you if you have something physiologically wrong, but that’s not true. Depending on your issue, it’s highly likely that therapy will be a huge benefit to you in overcoming your problem. 

Sex therapy: Blueheart

One option for you and your partner is to overcome your desire differences with the help of Blueheart.
The Blueheart app can help you come to a new understanding of a number of issues. Learn about issues with libido, how libido works, and how differences in libido can impact relationships. Further, you can get actionable tips on how to overcome desire differences, manage anxieties and maintain a healthy relationship.
There are more resources for you to explore as well. Take a look at some of the research-backed information we've got to offer in your journey toward a healthy relationship with sex and libido. 

Illustration by Marta Pucci

Mental health and libido

It's no secret that sex is as much in the mind as it is in the body. The physical side of things is important as well, but there's nothing that can stir up (or dampen) your libido like your thoughts.
Whether those thoughts activate the libido or stifle it, it's clear that there's a direct connection between the two. Learning to manage those thoughts is a key part of Sensate Focus, a primary technique used to help those with libido problems.
Your overall mental health and wellbeing can have an effect on your sex life. Even light anxiety can make a big impact on a person's desire to have sex. But just because you may have some issues, it doesn’t mean a happy and fulfilling sex life is impossible. There is help for you.
Let's take a look at some common mental health issues that contribute to the state of your libido and sexual happiness. 

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Depression and libido

Depression can cause a person to be incredibly tired, unwell, insecure, and sad. A low mood that sometimes prevents you from leaving bed can shut down all desire to have sex.
The experience of depression is by no means uniform, though. You might find that you still want to have sex even though you're depressed. That said, the subjective thoughts and feelings that come with a bout of depression tend to lead toward physical manifestations of the illness.
Low energy and motivation are a couple of those factors. If you're depressed, it is no wonder that libido drops. We tend to want sex when we feel good about ourselves and have the energy to enjoy ourselves in the process of sex. 
It might be tough to push libido issues out of your mind, but there's a good chance that recovering from depression will help you out of your slump in the bedroom. You may also find that your insecurities in the bedroom contribute to feelings of depression. The relationship between sex and depression can be powerful.
Keep in mind that depression medication might have a strong effect on your libido. If your depression subsides, and your libido doesn't come back, you might speak to your doctor about changing things up.
New medications of any kind can have a strong effect on libido, so keep that in mind whenever you're introducing a new substance into your system.

Anxiety and libido

Anxiety is another complex issue that plays a direct role in whether or not we want to have sex. Generally speaking, sex is an activity that comes out of a place of comfort, safety and relaxation.
That is to say, that anxiety isn't really conducive to sex. In fact, it gets right in the way of all of the other thoughts that allow sex to unfold in a natural way. Anxiety might lead to overthinking, self-doubt, and fear in the bedroom.
Even if your libido does fire up a little bit, anxiety might put it right back down. If you're someone who experiences a lot of anxiety, you might find that you have a hard time with libido. It’s very common to give it time to see how things go, but often it’s tempting to wait for it to go away on its own instead of addressing it.
When things don't get any better, it may be a good idea to seek therapy to address your anxiety. Anxiety is a subjective experience, so it's important to approach it in a way that suits you. That said, treatment available designed especially to reduce anxiety around sexual experiences.

Sexual anxiety

Sexual anxiety can affect all genders, all ages, all backgrounds. It manifests itself as a feeling of dread, worry or numbness at the thought or suggestion of a sexual encounter. There can be differing levels of intensity of the feelings depending on the person, day, setting, partner. 
Sexual anxiety can also create physical symptoms like erectile dysfunction, trouble getting wet or trouble relaxing your body.
Your mind can feel like it’s whirring with negative thoughts interrupting the moment, making it hard for you to get in the mood. This can have a negative effect on your relationships as it becomes difficult to connect with another person when you feel like you are struggling so much inside your head. It often leads to avoiding sex or touch all together.
There is a way to treat this. It’s called Sensate Focus. It’s the core treatment used at Blueheart. It consists of a gradual reintroduction of touch along with education and sexual communication improvements. You’ll learn how to get out of your head and back to your body, ready to connect with yourself and others. 

Stress and libido

Life is stressful. Perhaps more now than ever, so it’s no wonder you’re feeling stressed, and that stress is overflowing into the bedroom. There's a lot of overlap between stress and anxiety but they’re not the same thing.
Stress could be affecting you even if you think you don’t have a particularly stressful lifestyle. Childcare, work, family, friends, money, life in general can all be stressors on our lives which in-turn affects our sexual desire.
For example, let's say you have a lot to do at work. Your workload is big but manageable. A healthy amount of stress, also called "eustress," would motivate you to do your work in an appropriate amount of time.
There are also instances when the situation is overwhelming and stress is the appropriate response.
Distress, which is what we tend to call "stress," will overwhelm you and hamper your productivity. That kind of stress is the sort that doesn't do us any good. It's a biological response that steps over the line and only harms us.
Stress is necessary, but distress isn't. When we experience distress, our bodies take a toll. Our minds suffer as well, and anxiety is a common side effect of distress.
In that overwhelmed state, sex drive has a hard time shining through. If you're stressed and experiencing low libido, try to address the stress first and see if it takes care of the libido issue. 

PTSD and low libido

PTSD is something that can shut down the libido in an instant. It might also reduce the libido over the long term. For others, it won't have much of an issue on sex drive.
That said, trauma, especially sexual trauma, can put libido on hold for any length of time. This is the natural response to traumatic experiences, and it's important to seek professional help to work through those experiences if you're ready to access your libido again. We have another article that goes more in depth on how PTSD can influence your sex drive.

Bipolar and sex drive

Bipolar disorder might have any number of effects on your sex drive. In states of depression, libido might be totally absent.
In manic episodes, sex drive could be very high and erratic. Some of the potential symptoms of a manic episode are erratic and risky sexual behaviors where libido is much higher than usual.
All that we can say, though, is that the sex drive tends to be affected by extreme states of high and low. When you're on a real high, you might want to have more sex. If you're on a low, you might abhor the idea of touching another person or even someone touching you. Check out this article if you want to learn more about how bipolar disorder affects your libido.

Borderline personality disorder and sex drive

In many ways, BPD produces a similar effect on the libido compared to bipolar disorder.
Some individuals might be averse to sex for a long time. Many women with BPD have negative attitudes toward sex. The negative attitudes might be a result of the cognitive distortions produced due to the disorder, projections, perceived rejection in former and/or current relationships, and other factors. This response might affect how one sees relationships generally: namely, the individual may perceive themselves as being the victim of traumatic experiences. This is further complicated in young women, who are more likely to experience sexual trauma in childhood than men anyway. The symptoms of BPD paired with one’s experience of being traumatized in relationships will likely contribute to a negative relationship with sex in adulthood.
On the other hand, some individuals with BPD are more prone to have sex and do so in risky ways. This behavior may be designed to avoid the perceived painful rejection from others. Of course, engagement in risky sexual behavior will not preclude someone from being rejected, and in fact may lead to even more distress and an inability to appropriately regulate vulnerability with others. There's a whole spectrum of ways that BPD effects sex drive, and some individuals might experience both ends of it.  

Illustration by Marta Pucci

How lifestyle affects libido

Aside from physical and mental difficulties, there are a number of things in our day-to-day lives that we can change to improve libido. We're going to take a look at a number of the most common ones. Everything from the food that we eat to the way that we handle situations can impact our libido. A lot of our lifestyle habits can create stressors in our mind or body, something detrimental to a happy sex life, which is where we'll start. 

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Stress and sex drive

As we've noted above, distress contributes to decreased sexual desire. It's hard to get in the mood when you're stressed.
Further, regular stress throughout your day will generate an internal environment that doesn't do well for sex. Stress leads to high blood pressure, anxiety, frustration, and more factors that hurt your libido.
In a lot of cases, we gloss over the fact that our lifestyles are responsible for a lot of stress. Our jobs, our diets, our recreational activities, and more can all stress us out and harm us in many ways. 

Stress in a sexless committed relationship

If someone's libido is low as a result of stress, it might cause both partners to be concerned about the state of the relationship. Whether it’s one or both of you feeling stressed, it’s likely that will have an effect on your intimate relationship.
Stress on one end of the marriage typically leads to stress on the other, and that might make it hard for both of you to have sex. If an environment of stress is leading you to have a sexless marriage, know that there are ways to address stress and reintroduce the libido.
No matter how long it's been, there's still hope for the two of you to find romantic excitement again. 

Medication and libido

There are a lot of medications that could interfere with a person's sex drive. Almost any category of drug or medication could have an effect on a person's libido.
For example, SSRI antidepressants do a number on sex drive for some people. It’s always best to talk to your doctor if you’d like to change medication to address your libido issues, after that if it still doesn’t return it’s a good idea to seek therapy. Or, probably the most beneficial, do both at the same time to allow your body and mind to progress together.
Reduced libido is one of the main reasons that some people choose to switch or get off of antidepressants. Similarly, with other medications like Adderall.
On the other hand, others have been known to increase sexuality to the point of "hypersexuality." So, there's a lot of variation in the way that medication can impact your libido. Learn more about the different types of medication that affect your sexual desire here.

Drugs and sex drive

Medications often have a strong effect on sex drive. No matter what the drug is for, it can interfere with the desire to have sex. Many drugs increase sex drive while others reduce it.
Recreational or prescribed, it’s going to change your body, and that means changing the way you experience sex.
If you're experiencing an unusual libido, ask yourself if you've started using a new medication or experimented with any drugs in the last few weeks. If you think your prescription medication is producing unwanted effects for you in the bedroom, you can talk to your doctor about alternatives.
If you’re using drugs recreationally, and aren’t enjoying the toll its taking on your sex life, you can contact your doctor about getting support to come off them. 

Weed and sex drive

There are mixed reviews when it comes to marijuana and sex drive. It might depend on the person and how they respond to the drug.
There isn't evidence to suggest that cannabis inhibits the libido on any fundamental level. That said, the psychological effects might have different impacts on the user.
Some people might enjoy the experience of sex more when they're high because they feel more relaxed. Others could have a lot more anxiety about performing.
You have to understand your response to the drug to understand whether it's impacting your libido. If you are looking for ways to relax or reduce anxiety during sex there is a proven and effective alternative: sensate focus.

Smoking and libido

Smoking is often used in movies to give a character a sexy rebel without a cause vibe, but in real life it can have the opposite effect. We’re highly influenced by our turn ons and turn offs if someone smells like cigarettes and that’s off putting to you, that’s reason enough to start having trouble in the bedroom. If your partner isn't a smoker, you might also have some self-esteem issues related to the smell, taste, and experience of cigarette smoke.
For the smoker, it also can have negative effects on your levels of sexual desire. The primary issue with cigarettes is that they increase your heart rate and constrict blood flow. Both of those factors diminish the ability for arousal, for any gender, remember vulvas have erections too.
Men might have a harder time producing an erection if their heart rate is high and their veins are constricted. We’ve all seen the warnings on the back of the packs, they’re not lying.

Alcohol and sex drive

It’s very common to grab a glass of wine to relax in the evening and help loosen ourselves up a bit. But alcohol is another one of those substances that can impact people differently. It might not increase sex drive every time, but may reduce the number of inhibitions you have.
That means you'll be a little more confident when performing if you usually have some anxiety. On the other hand, too much alcohol can suppress the central nervous system and prevent you from getting aroused at all.

Working out increases your sex drive

Exercise is one activity that can help you improve your libido. It hits on the subject from a number of angles and leaves you feeling ready to enter the bedroom. It also promotes blood flow, which is an important aspect of sex. Further, it decreases stress and increases feelings of happiness almost immediately.
If those things aren't enough, working out also improves your confidence in the way you look. You'll feel more attractive, allowing you to let go of some of the anxieties you may have had before. Read more about how physical exercise impacts your sex life.

Illustration by Marta Pucci

Food that increases libido

Diet is a big part of a healthy body. Healthy bodies tend to contribute to healthy libidos in the absence of mental stressors or medications.
Beyond a generally healthy diet, though, there are some foods that might boost your libido. These foods fall into the "aphrodisiac" category, and they might help you get out of a slump.

So-called "sex drive foods"

There are a number of foods, vitamins, and herbs that some people believe can help you kickstart your libido. Everything from avocados to ginseng is said to have an impact on your sex drive. The truth is, a healthy balanced diet is the best way to keep your body functioning in the way you want it to.
Different cultures have used aphrodisiacs for a very long time, although there isn't a lot of research to back the efficacy of "sex drive foods." Take a look at a few different options if you like, but don't bank on any big changes.

Vitamins for libido

While there aren't a lot of vitamins that are assigned "aphrodisiacs," there are connections between vitamin deficiencies and low libido. In other words, lacking certain vitamins might impair your desire to have sex.
There are some key areas to focus on to ensure you stay healthy and keep your body working. Vitamins D, B, B12, Zinc, and Omega 3s are all ones to make sure you get enough of.

Diet and libido

Approach your diet in a way that is comprehensive. Your libido issues could be connected to your diet in some way, but there isn't really a way to "diet" for a better sex life.
Your libido could improve when your diet is well-rounded and accounts for everything that humans need to thrive. This tends to mean a variety of fruits, vegetables, protein sources, carbohydrates, nuts, and seeds - unsurprising we know, but that’s the truth.
Further, a healthy diet avoids processed foods, sugary drinks, and anything with too many chemicals that don't occur in nature. It's fine to have a few snacks here and there, but they shouldn't be staples of your diet.
Those dietary changes might make you feel a little better, give you more energy and change your libido indirectly, but nothing has proven that they would have a direct impact on your sex drive.

Being too tired for sex

If you're too tired to have sex, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Nobody wants to have sex when they're exhausted on a regular basis, and a lot of us are.
The issues with sleep might stem from something in your life that's taking all of your energy. It could be your diet, a mental illness, work, kids, or a million other things.
All of these things can impact your energy level and lead to low libido. Sometimes we have to look at our routines and see if we can do something to make space for intimacy, or even ourselves. If you only usually expect to have sex before you go to sleep, (when you are probably most tired and already in your lovely comfy bed) you can try and change that to another time or place to see if it makes a difference. That’s just one tip, there are so many more things you can do, so don’t despair. 

Low sex drive before period

Your menstrual cycle can affect so much from your mood to your sexual desire. Before, during, and after your period, your hormones are in a state of change.
The period of ovulation can increase libido for some women, while other women might not notice very much change in libido at all. It depends a great deal on the individual, what's going on in their life, and the way that their body goes through the menstrual cycle.
It is very different for every person and libido in relation to the menstrual cycle could change over the course of a person's life. Becoming aware of your cycle and the changes you feel at certain times can be really beneficial and help you track when you might be less in the mood and make plans with your TV instead. Maybe a period tracker Clue like can help recognize patterns of desire in your menstrual cycle.

Thyroid and sex drive

Hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism are linked to changes in sex drive. These two conditions come from too much or too little hormone secretion from the thyroid. The result can be trouble with arousal. These conditions should be treated by a medical doctor, although adjustments to the diet might help to ease some symptoms.

Does IBS affect sex drive

Irritable bowel syndrome impacts a number of mental and physical aspects of life. For one, your gut is in distress a lot of the time. As we know from new research about gut health, the gut-brain contributes to your general mood and ability to thrive in day-to-day life. IBS might lead to depression and anxiety as well. Not to mention constipation, diarrhea, or bloating that can make it difficult to have sex or get into the mood. There are ways to manage it though and it’s absolutely not the end of the world for your sex life.

Diabetes and sex drive

According to the American Diabetes Association, diabetic individuals might have difficulty producing an erection or keeping the vagina lubricated enough to enjoy sex. This is the result of restricted blood flow for some people with diabetes. Diabetes also makes individuals more prone to more issues that affect sex, such as Peyronie's disease. Women with diabetes run a greater risk for urinary tract infections and vaginal yeast infections as well, which might make sex uncomfortable for the individual experiencing those issues.

Cancer and sex drive

Cancer and cancer treatment can affect a few areas of your sexual wellbeing and sexual desire. It makes a lot of sense that sex may not be your top priority when going through something as lifechanging as a cancer diagnosis. But it can be a side effect of the other changes you are going through; physically, emotionally and your lifestyle.
Emotional upset and stress can take a hit on your sexual desire. Body changes are another element you might have to deal with, and even relationship role changes with your partner.
As treatment begins, though, the medications involved with cancer treatment might reduce or eliminate sex drive. When your body is in survival mode it puts sex on the back burner so you can use all your energy on getting healthy, so it’s completely normal not to want sex during this time. There are ways you can introduce more touch and intimacy without sex into your life, human contact is, as we know, extremely beneficial for our general wellbeing. There may be times when you are advised to wait to do this for a period of time, for example if your treatment aftercare advice is to avoid close contact with others to stay safe from infection while you’re healing.
There are treatments available to try and recover libido after the treatment of cancer, and they have been effective for a lot of individuals. It's possible to find a new space of acceptance, empowerment, and healing, and find your sexual self again. 

Increasing libido after breast cancer

Breast cancer and breast cancer treatment might cause a person to lose their libido for a time. It’s completely natural that going through a physically and emotionally gruelling time would affect your sexual desire. Your body has undergone extreme stress which of course will affect many areas of your physical and mental wellbeing.
Many find that it's difficult to adjust to their post-cancer body in terms of sexuality. This doesn't occur for everyone, but it might be useful to seek counselling if you're viewing yourself in a negative light after recovering from breast cancer. There are treatments available for you to help you rediscover your body in a new light, and work your way back to your sexual self.

Sexual problems and libido

Sexual problems might arise from various physical and psychological issues with the body. The source of these issues can be hard to locate, but the symptoms can make sexual activity uncomfortable or painful, but not necessarily either.
Sometimes, underlying issues can make someone feel anxious or unsure about their ability to perform. For example, vaginismus is a condition where the vagina squeezes or spasms when something enters it. This can make the experience of sex difficult or painful for both partners.
Further, vaginal dryness might make sex uncomfortable as well. If you are experiencing this, try experimenting with lube. Many people are concerned that using lube means that they failed or can’t get wet without it, but it’s a great way to get you started, there’s no shame in using it at all.
Another common issue is erectile dysfunction, having trouble achieving or maintaining an erection can be distressing for those experiencing it.
For example, you might not get aroused as a result of anxiety, but your partner might not know that and think that it's their own fault for not being attractive enough or that their partner isn't interested anymore. Good communication and education is the key to reducing these cycles of anxiety.
On the same note, one partner might have a tough time achieving orgasm. It may take a lot longer for them to orgasm, or they might not orgasm at all. This can be taken personally on both ends and create a negative attitude toward sex. That condition is called anorgasmia. Learning how to have intimate touch or sexual experiences while not chasing an orgasm is a skill you can learn (with Blueheart) to increase your chances of having one...or maybe even a few!
All of these factors can contribute to low libido. On top of the fact that there are physical challenges occurring, there's a mental attitude that might create anxiety or stress about having sex in the first place.  The key is learning to manage and reduce those anxieties with therapeutic techniques such as Sensate Focus

Erectile dysfunction and libido

Erectile dysfunction can be really tough to deal with, it can cause or be caused by feeling anxious about performance. It’s very common to start associating feelings of embarrassment, or shame with sex, and that can block your feelings of sexual desire. There's no need to be embarrassed about ED, of course, and the more you (and your partner(s), if you’re in a relationship) learn about it, the easier it can be to overcome. 

Age and libido

The relationship between age and libido is a complex one. On the one hand, natural processes always begin to slow down at a certain age. If you're 90 years old, for example, there's a good chance that your libido is less powerful than it was in your 20s.
There are so many myths when it comes to age and sex. “Young adults should be having it all the time,” “Older people shouldn’t have it at all” “Menopause is the end of your sex life.'' All untrue.
There's no saying that someone in old age couldn't have a healthy libido. In fact, there are a lot of people in old age that have active sex lives.
When things slow down, it could be a result of your natural hormone production. Beyond that, old age leads to more health complications, and those could play different parts in the libido. You just need to learn to work around these new challenges.
So, there's no set age at which a person necessarily loses sex drive. Menopause may have a significant effect on sex drive, but again, there are ways to manage it and rediscover your new sexual self

Illustration by Marta Pucci

Parenthood and your sex life

Having a child or children can have lasting impacts on a person's sexual desire. Felling like you’ve lost your identity in motherhood or fatherhood could contribute to sex being put on the back burner. Further, you might not feel like your sexual self, considering the many changes to the relationship dynamics, as well as body image changes and just generally being bloody exhausted.
Pregnancy is another time when sex drive might change. The shift in a woman's hormones during pregnancy can at some points increase sex drive, and others decrease it.
Post-partum, it’s highly likely (and totally normal) not to feel like having sex with a new baby keeping you up at all hours, and maybe a few stitches to boot. Moving back into a sexual relationship can be done at your own pace and only when you’re ready.
Having children around the house has a big impact on your private time, or lack thereof. Find out more here and how you can introduce intimacy back into your life. 
Also, if you are trying for a baby, that can affect your sexual desire. Sex becomes a means to an end and even start to feel like a chore.
Whichever stage you might be at, there is help available to reset your sex life and bring you closer together in a way that is right for your needs and the situation you’re in. 

Your relationship and libido

If you're experiencing low libido in your relationship, whatever the cause, it’s highly likely that there will be a solution out there for you. When you and your partner experience different levels of sexual desire, this is called Sexual Desire Discrepancy (SDD), and it's one of the most common sex issues in the world, so you're not alone.
Blueheart offers expert help especially for those experiencing anxiety around sex, libido differences in couples, and general libido problems. Using a science-backed mindful touch technique you can learn to regain your libido, and experience intimacy again together.
Open discussions about feelings between you and your partner can be a great way to start to break these issues up. You might find that opening things up helps to reduce the stigma and anxiety surrounding the situation.
Couples have different libidos, and the dynamic between those libidos needs to be understood and explored. There are different ways to strike that balance and deal with low sex drive in a relationship.
Libido issues in a relationship can be mended and resolved for the long term with a little help. Sometimes we just need to have an open conversation and the right tools to uncover our deep-seated thoughts about sex and libido.
Insight into the natural changes that we go through can de-stigmatize our circumstances and help resolve them. Further, noticing the temporary nature of most libido issues can give you the relief of knowing that they will be gone in the near future.
There's a lot more to learn and explore when it comes to libido. It's a complex issue, and different individuals will have unique experiences throughout the life cycle.
We're here to help you and your partner come to an understanding. There's no reason that a fluctuating libido has to cause additional stress and anxiety in your relationship forever.  

What to understand more about low libido causes?

Low libido can be caused by almost any area of life. It’s one of the most common sexual problems in the world, and you are not alone. There's a lot to learn and understand about libido, especially when it comes to balancing two libidos in a relationship.
It can be a challenge. We're here to help you work through desire differences and come to a healthy, happy place in your relationship. Explore our site for more ideas, tools, and insights into the ways we can help you overcome your problem.

Blueheart's sex therapy

Now you know more about sex therapy, why not take a look at our 14-day free trial? After just two weeks with Blueheart, couples reported on average:

  • 105% more satisfaction with the amount of physical intimacy between them;
  • 72% more physical connection; and
  • 70% more satisfaction with the amount of touch between them.

If you feel ready, take the assessment so we can make a personalized therapy plan for you in our app. You'll get the outcome at the end of the assessment.

Take the assessment