A white rose engulfed in red smoke
Illustration by Marta Pucci

Does good sex need an orgasm?

Photo of Dr Katherine Hertlein
Reviewed by Dr Katherine Hertlein,
created by Blueheart
created by Josh Green
created by Sophie Browness
Photo of Dr Katherine Hertlein
Reviewed by Dr Laura Vowels,
created by Blueheart
created by Josh Green
created by Sophie Browness

Recent studies showed that “75% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.” This might be extremely eye-opening for many, especially those who have a clitoris that has perhaps not been given the attention it deserves. 

But is reaching the right word? Should we be reaching for orgasm as our end goal, or should we be enjoying the stretch? 

Goal-oriented sex can make us miss out on the great stuff along the way. There’s a huge spectrum of pleasurable sensation available to the human body, and focusing on one part of it is likely to limit us physically and psychologically, especially when we find we’re struggling with reaching orgasm, for whatever reason. 

It can keep us in a routine or rut, there are so many forms sexual experiences can take, and if you only take one path each time, you’re less likely to end up somewhere new (or better). It can also make us feel like we failed if we didn’t ‘reach it’ or failed our partners if they didn’t, which is bananas and an ultra-high expectation to put on ourselves.

You can have great sex that doesn’t end in an orgasm, you can also have quite bad or boring sex that does. Orgasms are no bad thing of course, if you do have an orgasm, great! But it’s just not the whole picture. 

Focusing on the sensation or pleasure happening in the moment, knowing it is likely to fluctuate, is likely to yield more pleasurable sex, whether or not orgasms happen. 

Both partners orgasming at the same time isn’t as common as the movies make it seem, and it’s likely it might not be totally even scoring (don’t keep score). The key is communication, if you can talk about what you want to happen, and what you don’t it’s easier for your partner to know and therefore create a more pleasurable experience throughout. 

The most common reasons cited for being unable to reach orgasm have been stress, distractions, being unable to relax and - oddly enough - feeling pressure to orgasm!


Blueheart teaches Sensate Focus which addresses all of these, helping you to relax, clear your mind, and enjoy the ride, however it ends. If you feel ready to get back in touch with sex again, check out how with the Blueheart app here.

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