Illustration by Marta Pucci

Melissa (28) & Ross (29)

Our issues started nearly two years ago now, I was struggling with anxiety from working a really stressful job in PR. I was doing crazy hours, really overworked and just on the edge of burnout. I felt like I had to put in the extra time, show my face and always step up to the challenge whatever it was. Sex was put lowest on my list of priorities as was basically anything else like hobbies or doing anything for myself. I was emailing from my work phone in the middle of the night while Ross slept next to me, and counting down the hours until it was time to go back in again. The Monday blues came every day, and the Sunday scaries every night, I just thought it was normal and something I had to put up with and it’d get better eventually. We never had time for sex as we were both always working, and tired when we came home. 

I went to my GP and was prescribed Citalopram, an SSRI antidepressant which helps anxiety and depression, but a side effect can be to lower your libido. With my libido being at rock bottom anyway from the stress and sleeplessness this felt like a small price to pay. 

But as my other symptoms started to lessen and I started to feel a little better, I missed that closeness we had. But, surprise surprise my libido was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like everything else was going well, I changed to a more steady pace of life at a smaller company, but our sex life was just left behind.

It was hard to know what to do. Ross has been so supportive and I just had so much guilt and frustration built up. It caused a few arguments of course, we just felt stuck in a rut. 

So while enjoying the fact I actually took lunch breaks again for the first time in years, I started googling, and came across Blueheart. 

It was reassuring to know that even with my antidepressants, Blueheart will still work. 

I’m amazed at the difference the touch exercises are making. When you’re depressed you don’t feel like you and your body are connected anymore. Doing these exercises brings them back together. It’s also helping me see myself as a sexual being again. My body has changed a bit over this year. I’ve put on a bit of weight and stuff which I’m not crazy about but I’m learning how to see it in a different way, and just feel how it feels. It’s just taken the pressure off, letting us have some space and time to work things out, and have fun doing it. 

Learning the sensate focus technique has really changed my perspective on what ‘good sex’ is too. Ross and I are really enjoying our journey back to each other again. 

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